As I write this note, I am very mindful of many disturbing events happening all around me. The uncertainty caused by the spread of the coronavirus; significant labour unrest; the polarization of opinions on the health of our ecosystem and the sustainability of resource extraction to name a few of many ‘pop-up’ and historical issues.
As a student of human interaction, I am struck by how our behaviour can have such a positive and desirable or negative and undesirable impact on all around us. Unless we suspend our strong tendency to judge one another, we can be quick to condemn our fellow human beings.
Some time ago when my wife and I were visiting with friends, I overheard the mom offer an incredibly rich form of constructive feedback to one of her children. In this instance, the child has a tendency to share thoughts in an unfiltered manner and a moment earlier had expressed a statement that was highly critical of another person. Sound familiar ?
I would like to share her remarkable response in the form of these three compassionate and non-judgemental questions that can serve us all.
Is it true?
Is it necessary? and
Is it kind?
We know many things about our automatic and unconscious reaction to our experiences in life. Imagine reframing or withholding our observations and lessening the likelihood of inflicting our pointed, sharp criticism of someone else by consciously pausing, taking a deep breath and asking ourselves –
Is it true?
Is it necessary? and
Is it kind?
The featured article below is all about understanding the four behaviours that we are all capable of showing especially during difficult and emotionally charged interactions – conversations that can so quickly slide into unproductive disagreement and negative conflict.
Personal awareness and management serve as the necessary foundation for accessing the anti-toxins to help us cope with the four relationship toxins of Blame, Defensiveness, Stone Walling and Contempt.
By using these three powerful, mindful questions, we will all take a big step in the right direction and lessen our tendency to assume the role of judge and jury.
https://hbr.org/tip/2017/11/avoid-these-4-behaviors-that-derail-conversations
Please pass along this article to others interested in leadership development.
Added recommended resources:
